“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
My Notes
What Does Ephesians 5:33 Mean?
Paul closes the marriage instruction with individual directives: every husband loves his wife as himself. Every wife reverences her husband. The two instructions are different but complementary: the husband's assignment is love. The wife's assignment is reverence. Each is given what the other most needs.
The phrase "love his wife even as himself" echoes the second great commandment (love your neighbor as yourself — Leviticus 19:18). Paul applies the neighbor-love to the most intimate neighbor: your wife. The standard is self-love: the instinctive, automatic, fierce care you extend to your own body. Now aim that at her.
"The wife see that she reverence her husband" — the word "reverence" (phobētai — to respect, to revere, to hold in healthy awe) doesn't mean fear. It means the kind of respect that honors, that defers, that recognizes the weight of the position. The wife isn't commanded to love (she already does — the need is respect). The husband isn't commanded to respect (he already does — the need is love). Each receives the specific instruction for their specific need.
Reflection Questions
- 1.Is your marriage characterized by what each person MOST needs — love (for the wife) and respect (for the husband)?
- 2.Does 'love as yourself' (instinctive, structural care) describe your love for your spouse — or is it more emotion-based?
- 3.Does 'reverence' (honor, esteem, deference) feel different from love — and can you practice it specifically?
- 4.Where is your marriage lacking the specific instruction Paul gives — love without respect, or respect without love?
Devotional
Husbands: love your wife like you love yourself. Wives: respect your husband. Each getting what they most need.
Paul's marriage summary isn't identical instructions for identical roles. It's targeted instructions for specific needs: the husband needs to hear LOVE (because men can lead without loving). The wife needs to hear RESPECT (because women can love without respecting). Each instruction fills what the other role most lacks.
"Love his wife even as himself" — the standard for husbandly love is self-love. Not emotion. Instinct. The way you automatically care for your own body (you feed it when hungry, rest it when tired, protect it when threatened) — aim that at your wife. The love isn't sentimental. It's structural: the instinctive, fierce, no-thought-required care you give yourself, redirected to her.
"The wife see that she reverence" — phobētai — the word contains the root for fear (phobos) but in the relational sense: honor, respect, esteem. The wife's instruction isn't to feel afraid. It's to hold her husband in the kind of regard that expresses: I take you seriously. I honor your role. I defer to your position. The reverence isn't subservience. It's recognition.
The two instructions are complementary because the two needs are different: husbands tend to lead without warming (they need the love instruction). Wives tend to nurture without affirming (they need the respect instruction). Paul doesn't give the same instruction twice. He gives each person what their specific role tends to neglect.
"Every one of you in particular" — the instruction is individual, not general. Not husbands-as-a-category. Every one. You specifically. In your particular marriage. The instruction is aimed at YOUR relationship, not marriage in the abstract.
The marriage survives when both instructions are active: the husband loving (not just leading). The wife respecting (not just loving). Both giving what the other most needs. Both receiving what they themselves most lack.
Love. Respect. Both needed. Both given. Both received.
Commentary
Trusted original commentary from respected historical Bible scholars and theologians.
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Cross References
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